Sometimes it happens that you are definitely better off not falling in love with a certain person. And even if we realize and understand this, we still have to fight off incipient love at every step. If you suspect that it may not be in your best interest to fall for someone, even if there is something real growing in your heart, you better find a way to stop it from happening and avoid strong feelings. Below are a few steps that I hope will help you avoid falling in love with the wrong person.

Difficulty: It won't be easy.

You will need:
- determination;
- strong will;
- sense of self-preservation;
- a very good and patient friend.

1. Open your mind and listen to what it is telling you. If you think that not falling in love with someone would definitely be better and it would be extremely wise of you not to get involved with him/her, then you need to follow your own advice. Close your heart and dampen your libido for a few hours, and follow the guidance of your own instinct. Listen to what your intuition is telling you, which is obviously screaming deep inside.

2. Once you agree to listen to your own mind instead of the dictates of your heart or sexual desire, write down what your instincts were trying to show you. There are some significant flaws in the sticky, swamp-like idea of ​​starting a relationship with this woman or this man, otherwise your intuition would not be screaming inside you in the hope of being heard. What exactly are the downsides to this potential relationship? When you open your eyes and finally see them, take notes accordingly. Very often, certain things and phrases spoken by the inner voice seem insignificant or not so scary, while what we read on paper or said out loud makes us look at the situation much more realistically.

3. Having compiled this list of flaws, negative aspects, think about them carefully. Dwell on each one in detail. Perhaps they include her/his temperament, her/his jealousy, her/his tendency to dramatize everything, her/his reputation, love of love, demandingness, idealism, whether she/he has a partner at the moment, values ​​that are completely different from yours, etc. Everything that somehow intuitively gives direction to future problems. Now, be honest with yourself. All of these are far from being the best qualities and situations, but rather potential harbingers of serious limitations on your capabilities in relationships. All of these things and the like can make your life hell in just a couple of months.

4. Internally repeat over and over again everything you have understood about him/her when you are about to fall under her/his spell. Ask yourself what problems might arise due to his/her psychological and other limitations and think about the worst possible scenario. Could he become violent? Is it possible that she/he will start insulting you? Be objective, if you don’t want to believe it, this does not mean that it is impossible. Will constant skirmishes, quarrels, mutual accusations, or even deception and subterfuge begin between you because of some of his/her qualities or external problems? Chances are good that all this is very close to the truth.

5. After considering the worst possible scenarios in detail, decide for yourself whether this is really the life you would like to live. Do you want a relationship with someone who will constantly insist that there is nothing wrong with a little flirting with others? Do you want to be in a relationship where he/she controls your every move? Do you want a man who will become physically violent if you talk to or smile at another man, or if you simply spend time in the company of another man? Do you need a woman who will call you 20 times a day and cause scandals?

6. Now that you understand how his/her participation can turn your life into complete chaos, tell her/him that you are not interested in a relationship (if any progress has already begun in the direction of establishing a connection), and/ or start avoiding him/her (if you haven't made any attempts to get closer) in every possible way.

7. Avoid romantic, sentimental music, it will only encourage your loving mood and desire to dream. If you are trying to get over someone, don't listen to stupid love songs. Switch to something upbeat/upbeat/rhythmic. Listen to music that makes you want to jump out of your seat and get moving.
And keep moving away, as far away from her/him in your thoughts as you can. The further you go, the better.

8. Find yourself something to do on a regular basis that will easily distract you from unnecessary thoughts - it could be a hobby or something serious, helping someone or some kind of organizational event, anything that within a few weeks will require mental effort and serious attention from you.

9. Be honest with yourself.
If you like someone, this does not mean at all that she/he is obliged to reciprocate your feelings. The phrase “why am I not good for you?” in love is inadequate, because we all fall in love for some purely subjective reasons, and not with the first person we meet.

Further, just because you told yourself that you don't want anything from him/her does not mean that you will be able to follow through with your attitude. In the end, you fell in love. Take a good friend by the breast and spend time with him/her, let him listen to you, let him bear with you whining about your unfulfilled love. Let him shake you up properly from time to time, but also let him speak out. If it's a true friend, she/he will remind you how lucky you are to have escaped that relationship/that unrequited crush and moved on.

10. Remember that there is a big difference between passion/desire to possess/attraction and love, romance and real relationships. It is quite possible that he/she is absolutely not the person you would like to see next to you, with whom you would like to build a relationship, you just crave her/his short-term attention, and often this is impossible. Move forward, further. There will be others who will stir up your libido and make your heart burn with fire, and this next one may very well be the one for you. If this happens again, check the person again for serious potential flaws and then decide if you can live with her/him!

Additions and warnings:

- Even knowing that you should avoid him/her and everything connected with her/him, including your own thoughts, there will still be a serious struggle going on inside you while you are constrained by your attraction. Remember again and again all the negative points that you have identified and their consequences, and force yourself to constantly keep them in mind;

- Do not close your heart as if you had touched a switch - this will only lead to worse consequences such as hardness, cynicism, bitterness and a future inability to feel and understand others. You will have to overcome yourself with the help of logical arguments, and not lose your humanity - the latter is easier, but will bring serious consequences for you;

- Perhaps the steps described above will not help you, but if you find yourself in a similar terrible situation in the future, remember that there are always ways to get out of it, you just may need something purely individual - do not give up, gather your will into a fist and look for something that will help you.

Ways to manage feelings have interested humanity since the beginning of its appearance, because often both the object of sympathy and the lover are busy people who are in a couple. The question of how to avoid falling in love with the man you like is of interest for the same reason - an unfaithful woman is not respected in society. The advice of psychologists and studies that reveal opportunities to change the strength of emotions can help with the problem.

Debates about what being in love means take place every day. Scientists and psychologists have speculated about the origin of the feeling, but it has not yet been possible to obtain reliable information from studies and surveys. Two opposing points of view characterize falling in love as a phenomenon from different positions:

1. Biologists are confident that the feeling arises from the release of a hormone into the body, which is produced by a certain part of the human brain. After the incident, the first object that comes into view becomes the recipient of sympathy. It was not possible to identify the mechanisms and causes of such a release.
2. Psychologists say that hormonal release occurs based on the triggering of psychological attitudes. The feeling of falling in love can arise unexpectedly for a woman towards a man who, at first glance, is not able to evoke emotions. But upon closer examination, the similarity with another person is revealed, towards whom warm manifestations are possible. On the basis of associations, sympathy or love appears.

The question of how to maintain peace of mind and not fall in love with a man worries many girls. It occurs when reason and intuition speak about the need to refuse to develop a relationship with a guy. It happens that a woman realizes that a young man is not suitable for her as a life partner, but strong emotions prevail over logic.

Falling in love is a state that defies logic. It is uncontrollable and often occurs spontaneously. When the euphoria of the first days gives way to gray reality, the object of admiration appears in a different light. Then comes the understanding that the choice of a partner was wrong.

The way to get rid of deep feelings for a guy is to accept the fact that you are not suitable for each other. This will protect yourself from unnecessary falling in love.

How to cope with feelings depending on the situation

A person can restrain any emotions. To stop the state of falling in love, it is necessary to increase self-esteem, but reduce the importance of the guy.

Jessica Ingle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009 after receiving her master's degree in counseling psychology. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and registered drama therapist with over 10 years of experience.

Number of sources used in this article: . You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Do you fall in love too easily and do guys break your heart just as easily? When someone special to you comes into your life, it's natural for emotions to take over. But if you don't want to rush things, try your best to maintain composure, continue to devote time and attention to other areas of your life, and also try to sensibly assess the prospects of this relationship.

Steps

Try to keep your composure

Control your emotions. Most likely, you will not be able to control the fact that thoughts about this person appear in your head every now and then, but you are quite capable of controlling your actions and words. Firstly, you shouldn’t tell your friends and girlfriends about him every minute. Don't stalk him on social media. These simple tips will help you avoid stalker behavior, which will allow you to keep a cool head, think more sensibly and control the endless stream of thoughts.

EXPERT ADVICE

Jessica Ingle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009 after receiving her master's degree in counseling psychology. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and registered drama therapist with over 10 years of experience.

Dating and Relationship Specialist

To avoid becoming obsessed with a person, try to focus on the present moment. Jessica Ingle, director of Bay Area Dating Coach, advises: "To prevent attraction from becoming obsession, try doing exercises to increase your awareness- they will help you return to the present moment. Concentrate on your breathing, on what you are doing at this moment, on all your five senses. You can also spend time with friends And loved ones or focus on achieving your personal goals.”

Limit your communication with the guy a little. Of course, this is easier said than done, because romantic communication and attention are so attractive to each of us, and we are so pleased to hear words of love. But it will be much easier for you to control the situation if you don’t hang around a guy all day or text him every now and then. It will be much easier to maintain balance and control your emotions if you don't rush things by letting someone into your daily life too quickly.

• Try to promise yourself to only meet this guy once a week at first.
• If you're spending time with family or friends, try leaving your phone in your purse or in another room - this will help you keep yourself in check and avoid texting him every 5 minutes.

1. Stop planning your future together. Of course, it is completely natural for a girl in love to think about what her wedding dress will be like, what she will one day name her children, but believe me, you are ahead of the curve by associating these images and thoughts with your new boyfriend. There is always a chance that your relationship will someday really develop into something more, and it is with this person that these happy moments will be associated, but now it is too early to think about it - just enjoy the time spent together and try to get to know each other better.

   • Find out about his favorite films, music and sports, and other hobbies. Understand that this time, when everything is just beginning, is needed just to get to know each other better, in addition, it will help you control annoying thoughts about a future together.
   • Enjoy the candy-bouquet period when everything is “for the first time” for you. Understand that the first date and the first kiss are, as they say, a “one-time event” that will not be repeated. Try to control your thoughts about this person and focus on those significant moments that are about to happen.

   Don't forget about your hobbies

   1. Continue to spend time on your hobbies. For example, continue to be active in a dance studio or write stories if these activities meant a lot to you before meeting your boyfriend. Perhaps these hobbies will not seem so significant and important to you when your loved one turns your head, but this is not so. Try to maintain your personal space and do not forget about certain things that make up this personal space. In the future, you will be grateful to yourself for not giving up your hobbies.

      Work on yourself and your development. In order not to become completely obsessed with your loved one, set yourself certain goals and start working on their implementation. Believe me, it will help you think positively, soberly and progressively.

      • If you feel like you're starting to get lazy and get tired easily, set a goal to go to the gym at least 3 times a week and exercise.

   2. Spend time with loved ones. When you're in love, it can be quite difficult to think about someone else, but it's actually very important to devote time and attention to those you trust, who support you and love you. When a guy comes into your life, it's very easy to forget about the friends and loved ones who are always there. Remind yourself that these are the people who were there during the hardest and most magical moments of your life, these are the people who are truly close and valuable. Do not forget from time to time to invite to dinner or to the cinema those people who have already proven their love more than once.

   Try to assess the prospects of this relationship

   Don't put this guy on a pedestal under any circumstances. Most often, we fall deeply and madly in love with a person because we look at him through rose-colored glasses, and he seems flawless to us. Remind yourself that no one is perfect. Instead of ignoring his shortcomings, try to recognize them and consider whether you can accept them. If you ignore this advice and continue to build relationships, over time you will realize how much the real person differs from the ideal image that you imagined - and this will greatly ruin your relationship.

   • Try to have a confidential conversation about each other's weaknesses. Most likely, he knows his shortcomings and weaknesses much better. This information will help you control your thoughts and feelings. Don't be afraid to talk about your weaknesses so that the person understands that you are not perfect either.

   1. Don't be afraid to remind yourself of how your previous relationships went sour. At the very beginning of the courtship period, due to the surge of hormones, we often become blind to how this relationship develops in reality. Mentally return to the experience of past relationships, which in the end did not work out the way you would like. Think about the fact that some unpleasant moments may happen again to your new boyfriend. Ask yourself if you are ready to face pain and anger again. Are you ready for any of the problems to arise again between you and your new partner?